And I can guarantee I'll want to be sedated!!! Tomorrow at 12:30, my C-Section will begin and Gabriel will join us in the outside world!!! Now, I realize I shouldn't be terrified of this, but it seems I am. Chad reminds me that this is not my first C-Section, so I shouldn't be scared, but last time was not like this.
Five years ago, I went to the doctor for an appointment one week after my due date with Ethan. He told me that day I would be heading to the hospital that evening to be induced - ok, no time to get nervous. Then, after twenty-three very long hours of constant contractions, the doctor said he was too big to come out the normal way and we would be doing a C-Section. Within fifteen minutes of that decision, I was on the table in the OR - ok, again, no time to get nervous. This time I have known I would have a C-Section since my first appointment at eleven weeks pregnant - hence, lots of time to get nervous!!
My C-Section with Ethan was not a pleasant experience. First of all, the anesthesiologist announced when he came into the room that it was his first day on the job! Who admits that?!?!?! Secondly, I apparently didn't take to the epidural well, because even my doctor admitted the next day that I felt more than I was supposed to. It's funny how people always say you forget the pain after you see your beautiful baby. This is a lie. You never forget the pain; you just decide that it is worth going through again. So that is what I am focusing on. This time I am having a spinal block - which I am afraid of - but if it works better than my epidural, I really can't complain.
In addition to just the normal surgery nerves, I am - of course - nervous about finally finding out all those unknowns about our Gabriel. Is everything else really ok? How badly is the palate impacted? How does he really look? Were the ultrasounds right? Will he be able to eat? Will he be put in the NICU? Will he get to come home with me? Can I really do this? Have I mustered enough strength yet? What will Ethan think? What will Ethan say? What will everyone else say? Sheesh, no wonder I can't sleep anymore.
Truth is - he is going to be my beautiful baby - no matter what. And I honestly don't care what anyone else says - although heed my warning: everyone gets one negative comment free. Anymore than that, and I will kick you out of our room and disallow you seeing my son. Even more true is the fact that - just like when I had E - the second I hear him cry, I will know that everything is going to be ok. I can't wait to share the story with all of you - and pictures too!!!
Wish us luck!!!!
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