So what do we call this thing?

Ever since the diagnosis, I have been trying to decide what to call Gabriel's bilateral cleft lip and palate when I try to explain it to people.  By the way, from here on out, I am going to refer to the bilateral cleft lip and palate as BLCLP to simplify.   Anyhow, here is what I have been thinking:

• It is no longer appropriate to call it a hare lip - it is a cleft lip.
• When we first found out, a lot of people called it a birth defect.  I know that technically a birth defect is what it is, but I have a really hard time using the word 'defect' when talking about my child.  The other day I had an apple that when I bit into it, it was black in the center.  This was a defective apple.  I threw it away.  I could never think of my child like that.  Additionally, according to Webster's, the definition of defect is "an imperfection that impairs worth or utility" or "a lack of something necessary for completeness, adequacy, or perfection."  WELL...I have a hard time believing this makes my child worth less or causes him to require something more to be considered perfect.  My Gabriel is perfect in every way to me. 

On a side note, in case you were curious, cleft lip and/or cleft palate is the most common 'birth defect'.  One in 600 babies are born with it.  To put that into perspective, on average there are 10,650 babies born every day in the US and approximately 353,015 born every day world wide.  That means that 18 babies are born every day in the US with cleft lip and/or cleft palate, and 588 are born every day world wide!!  That's pretty huge!

Anyhow, back to my thoughts:

• I was on a chat board recently and someone was complaining because she didn't think her doctor was taking everything seriously enough considering her child was going to be 'deformed' when he was born.  Really?  Ugh.  Deformed should never be used to describe any living person.  Just my opinion.
• I also tried out many other titles for this:  his condition, his issue, his situation.

That's when it dawned on me.  None of these things should be used to describe what is affecting my Gabriel.  The truth is, he is my perfect boy who happens to have BLCLP.  BLCLP does not define him.  It is very important for me to not have anyone I love be defined by anything that is beyond their control.  My husband has a slightly larger than average nose, but that is not who he is.  He is a brilliant man with a wicked sense of humor, not a nose on a face.  I have always had a large ass.  Now, I am not going to lie to you and tell you that people haven't told me I sometimes behave like a large ass - but that still does not define who I am as a person.  No physical attribute will ever be what defines my kids.  They are perfect to me in their own ways - flaws and all.

So, if you see me on the street and ask what is wrong with my Gabriel's face (once he's born, of course), it is likely I will say, 'nothing, why do you ask?'