Could surgery #7 be the lucky last one?
What is it the Magic 8 Ball says – ‘Don’t
count on it,’ ‘Outlook not so good,’ ‘Very doubtful’? Well, I suppose any one of those would work.
On October 22nd, we will be taking Gabriel to the
hospital for his 7th surgery (that’s if you include ear tube
replacement to be a surgery – which I do).
Let’s back up, shall we?
Last Wednesday we took Gabriel to the Children’s Craniofacial Clinic to
meet with our Cleft Team. If you
remember correctly from my last update, we had very serious concerns with a
procedure Dr. S was proposing called a Pharyngeal Flap. We expressed that we weren't positive the
rewards of the procedure currently outweigh the risks, and thankfully, our Team
agreed. We will be waiting to see if the
procedure should be done in the future when we are certain it is 100%
necessary.
So why are we still have surgery in October then, you
ask?
2 reasons –
Way back in one of Gabriel’s earliest surgeries, Dr. S bone grafted
the opening in the left side of Gabriel’s gum line to close it using
donor bone. He was not able to graft the
right side at that time because the opening there was just too big. Instead, he filled the opening with a
synthetic gel-like material and closed the tissue around it until such a time
he felt the opening had come together enough to be grafted. That time, apparently, is now.
The second reason is that darned fistula (hole) that just
refuses to stay closed. Dr. S is still
not confident he can close it since he maintains that it is the biggest fistula
he’s ever seen in the largest cleft he’s ever worked on. However, I maintain that
even if he can make it smaller – that’s a win.
Chad doesn't quite agree. He
thinks putting Gabriel through another surgery that results in the hole just
opening up again is not a surgery worth having.
This has been a tricky situation and, for the first time, we
don’t necessarily find ourselves in agreement.
I can certainly understand and respect Chad’s stance. He doesn't want Gabriel to experience pain,
have more reasons to fear hospitals and doctors, and suffer through another
month of having to eat nothing but mashed up foods. On the flip side though, my stance is that
the more we do now, the less likely he will remember any of this in the
future. Plus, even if the hole opens
back up, it should at least be smaller, which means we have a better chance of
getting it to stay closed next time.
The truth is – it’s never going to be the right time. It’s never going to be OK. Even if the fistula is successfully and
finally closed this time, Gabriel’s palate is still too short. He may still need a jaw realignment in the future. He will likely have dental implants. He’ll need his tubes replaced in his
ears. And he may even need a nose job and/or
lip revision in the future. We are a
long way from done, and there will just never be a good time.
I was getting coffee at work the other day and talking with
the barista about Gabriel (she has been following his progress since
birth). She told me that she has a baby cousin who just had his third and final cleft repair
surgery. I was extremely excited for the
little fella, but found myself once again in the land of pity for my beautiful
Gabriel.
I don’t suppose I’ll ever stop
hating what’s happened to him and questioning why this can’t just be over and
he can live a ‘normal’ life. But I also
don’t suppose I’ll ever have answers to my questions, so I’ll just have to
keep trying to destroy my hate with hope.
Until next time…
